The only places I could make friends while I was little was at school and in church; I was not allowed the luxury of playing in the streets to make friends. I had this friend from church, Chika. He was like the leader of my small ragtag group of friends. All we did was come to church, find a way to sit together and have discussions while the coordinator was not looking.
One day, in church, during one of our many conversations, Chika suddenly breaks it to us that insulting a person with, “God punish you”, “You dey mad”, or “You dey craze”, had no effect on the individual. Empty words, he called them. Then, with a solemn face, he proceeds to tell us that if we really wanted something disastrous to fall upon whomever, we should say to them, “Woe betide you”. I didn’t know what it meant for woe to betide a person, neither did I know how to even spell the words. All I remember was the expression on his face as he uttered those words, like they were an abomination, sure to bring great harm to those whom it was bestowed upon.
It would be years till I knew how to spell those words. I never forgot them. I never used them either. Even till my grown age, in the heights of anger, brought about by Lagos stress and whatnot. I dare not utter those words for fear that I bring such calamitous and catastrophic consequences on a fellow human (or living thing). Deep down, I’m a softie.
Some time last week, driving along Lekki-Epe Expressway, listening to news on the radio (which I hardly ever do), and I softly uttered, “Woe betide Nigeria”. It just came out, unplanned. Background, I had just finished reading a couple pieces on Twitter (I try to stay away from that place), and the news I was listening to was just so unpalatable. Before I could catch the words, they escaped my lips and fleeted into the atmosphere. This is totally against what we are supposed to do as Nigerian believers. We are suppose to pray for the country but most times, ike gwuru… Nigeria happens to you and it’s hard to see any positives anywhere. I really don’t like speaking about the state of the nation; it depresses me beyond what I can bear.
I don’t think I’m the only one who has said that about Nigeria, anyway. I mean, look at… (*gestures at the entire country*)
